You Are Light
by cafeakira
Summary: "His glistening caramel brown eyes fixated on me and I felt like I could hardly breathe. I would've floated away if it wasn't for his warm, calloused hands holding my own cold, pale ones and I vaguely wondered if I was dreaming or if this was reality." [Killugon, written from Killua's point of view.]


Snow drifted down slowly, falling atop my hair. I would look up, letting the flakes hit my face as I closed my eyes. I began to drift, feeling myself fall into what felt like a cloud, as my thoughts turn to the one person I never got tired of thinking  
about.

Gon.

The thought of my best friend put me in a state of euphoria that I didn't want to come out of. I felt a twittering in my ribs; a warmth filling me up despite the cold.

The moment was immediately broken by a snowball hitting me in the face. My eyes jolt open and I look ahead to see Gon, another snowball in his hand, ready to strike.

"You just declared war, you know that?" I smirked, activating my Godspeed ability and made as many snowballs as I could at warp speed before I began to throw them at him, soon covering him in snow and knocking him over.

"H-hey! You cheated!" He whines, flat on his back now in the snow.

"I did not." I dash on over to him before deactivating my ability and stand over him, a sly smile curved up onto my lips before I sit on top of him, straddling him down and smashing a snowball into his face.

"Mmph...! Killua!" He spat snow out of his mouth before wiping it off of his face and glared up at me.

"You started it." I laughed, before shifting off of him and helped him up.

He pursed his lips as he straightens up as best as he could in the snow, and dusted off the bits of it that was sticking to his coat.

"Let's hurry. It'll be dark soon."

"We could've been there already if you didn't attack me with snowballs."

"I just said you're the one who started it!"

We bickered the whole way to the city, which was our destination for the evening, as we planned to see the Christmas lights and enjoy some holiday shows.

"Brrr...it's getting colder the later it gets." Gon shivers, wrapping his scarf tighter around him as snowflakes fall lightly onto his tan features and I find myself reaching over to dust them off. The grateful smile he threw me at that moment was enough  
for me to take a sharp intake of breathe and I quickly pull my hand away and turn my gaze to the side, heart pounding profusely, wondering if he'd be able to hear it.

"Are you okay, Killua? Your cheeks are pink."

"A-ah, yeah! I'm just cold too." As if to verify this, I wrap my coat tighter around me, wishing I had brought mittens. My usually cold hands were colder due to the snowball fight we had moments ago.

Though it was cold, my body was filled with warmth on the inside as my thoughts drifted to Gon again.

My best friend. The one I fell in love with.

I exhale, my breathe coming out white. I couldn't confess my feelings to him. I had decided that a long time ago, fearing he would reject me. So I buried my feelings deep in my heart, as difficult as it was. Besides, he'd never look at me the same way.  
Those bright, caramel eyes of his only held interest in finding his dad and I vaguely found myself feeling jealous.

 _Geez, Killua. How pathetic are you? Getting jealous over a man you haven't even met. And Gon's dad at that._

But I couldn't help it. Gon spent so much time analyzing where his dad could be, that I was surprised he even agreed to come out with me today.

 _Well, it is the holidays. Maybe he decided to take a break too._

Figuring I should just take what I can get and not complain, I stuff my cold hands into my pockets, my frigid fingers finding warmth in the fabric lining my pockets. With the growing darkness, the Christmas lights were switched on, covering the city in  
a colorful glow and as I glance over at Gon, I see his brown eyes shining, looking like a kaleidoscope as the colors reflected off of them. It was enough to take my breathe away and I realize I lose all my senses when I catch sight of Gon looking  
as breathtaking as he did now, which was basically almost all the time.

 _Keep it together, Zoldyck. Don't act like a lovesick puppy now._

I almost snort as this thought passes through my conscious. Hands clutching my arms then bring me out of my stupor and I turn to see Gon, grinning at me excitedly, a childlike aura emitting off of him.

"Killua! Look! They're so pretty!"

"Yeah, I see them, Gon." I shake my head in amusement, my white bangs falling over my eyes. He was too fucking adorable, if I stared at him any longer, I would for sure give myself away. Feelings wise.

"Let's get a closer look!" His grasp on my arm loosens as he slides his hand down to interlace our fingers together and I find myself heating up. If I was to look in a mirror right now, I was sure to see my pale cheeks coated with pink flush. Though I  
could use the cold as an excuse, thankfully.

I allow him to tug me along behind him, my blue eyes trying to scan everything we happened to pass by. It wasn't until I spotted the familiar boxes of chocorobos, that I made Gon stop.

"Lemme just get a box or two," I tell him quickly, letting go of his hand to dash towards the stand.

"Or three or four." Gon laughed, following me, though a pout would appear on his features and I wondered if it was because I released his hand.

 _Why had he been holding it though? Was it because his hands were cold?_

These sort of things were all new to me. I knew though that Gon didn't feel the same about me. Maybe he just held it for the hell of it. I never knew what went on through that stubborn, oblivious head of his.

I decided not to dwell too much on such a trivial matter and pushed it off to the side as I bought my two boxes of chocorobos.

"Happy now?" He inquired, as I came back with my boxes, a smile on my face.

"You know I always am when chocorobo-kun is involved."

"Sometimes I feel like you like chocorobos more than me."

"I do." I reply, popping one into my mouth.

Though when I saw what seemed like a sad face cross his features, I immediately wave my hands frantically. "I'm only kidding! I like you way more."

When I saw a smug grin appear on his face, I knew I had just been played.

"You idiot!" I hiss out, turning around and crossing my arms with a huff, to which he laughed and wraps his arms around my waist.

"You're so adorable."

Those words sent a tremor to my heart and I pondered if it was a good or bad thing. Probably the latter because he couldn't possibly mean those words seriously. My breathcaught in my throat as I tried to speak; my mouth opened then closed as I couldn't  
find the words to say and I felt shame seeping through my body. I was too timid to say what I wanted to and what I wanted to say was:

 _Not as adorable as you, Gon._

How I yearned to express my thoughts and feelings to him, but my heart clenched at the thought of doing so. He'll only reject me and I'll lose him and I couldn't lose Gon. He was my most precious friend; my only friend, best friend. If I lost him, I would  
only be sucked into the darkness I was in before we ever met. I shuddered at that thought.

I never wanted to see that darkness again.

"Killua?"

Gon's soft voice broke into my thoughts and I lift my head to gaze at him. Light radiated off of him and I knew it wasn't just the Christmas lights bouncing off of him. He was light, the light that had brought me out of aforementioned darkness.

"Sorry Gon." I smiled tentatively at him. "I guess I spaced out for a moment."

"Are you okay?" His caramel brown eyes shone with genuine concern and I nod to reassure him.

"Perfectly fine." Though I felt guilt hit me square in the chest that no Ten could dull. I never lie to Gon and I basically just did, and I hated it. How many more did I have to tell in order to keep my feelings hidden?

"Well, if you're sure, want to go watch the Christmas Play? Or shall we see the tunnel of lights?"

"Tunnel of lights since I know how much you want to see them."

His eyes crinkled up then with the bright smile that appeared on his features. There was something about the way he smiled; it made butterflies escape from the pit of my stomach, with the way the sun had somehow toppled down from the sky and made a home  
right there on his face. He had the kind of smile that made me feel happy to be alive and just that little bit more human.

"Thanks Killua!" He grabs my hand before tugging me towards the tunnel of lights and yet again, I found warmth seeping my body and my heart thudded in my chest, threatening to escape it's confines.

 _How can he do these things so casually? The moron..._

It was becoming vaguely aware that my feelings wouldn't be so easily contained if he kept this up. Which he probably would considering how dense he could be when regarding these sort of gestures.

Once we reach the tunnel, his eyes are more bright and wide as he turns his head in all directions, trying to catch sight of them all. His face was aglow with delight and his childlike features showed clear on his face and I found myself looking more  
at him then the lights, holding my breathe and almost forgetting to breathe.

"Aren't they beautiful, Killua?" Gon turns to me then and I had to look away quickly, pretending I had been looking at the lights and not at him.

"Yeah, they are." I rub the back of my head with a smile. "I can see why you have a thing for Christmas lights."

He giggled. "That's not all I have a thing for."

I froze. _Now what does he mean by that?_

But to my annoyance, he says nothing more and continues pulling me along and I wanted to do nothing more, but to scream in frustration. Like what the hell? How can he just say these things all willy nilly and just expect me to act so casually about them?

I fume in silence through the rest of the tunnel, so much so that I hardly realize when we reach the end of it.

"Killua."

The sound of Gon's voice broke through my conscious and I startle slightly. "Y-yeah?" I turn to look at him and I almost wish I didn't.

"Killua." He repeats my name and grabs my other hand so now he's holding both.

His glistening caramel brown eyes fixated on me and I felt like I could hardly breathe. I would've floated away if it wasn't for his warm, calloused hands holding my own cold, pale ones and I vaguely wondered if I was dreaming or if this was reality.

I gulp, waiting anxiously for what he would say next.

"Did you notice the mistletoe above us?" He gestures with his head and I look up and indeed, there it was. A mistletoe hanging directly over our heads, at the end of the tunnel.

"I-I see i-it.." I stutter, rather pathetically as I bring my head back down meet his eyes again; the eyes that seemed to be looking through me, through my heart.

"Do you know what you're supposed to do when you're beneath one?"

I shake my head, as I really didn't know.

"Well, when you are beneath one with another person, they're supposed to share a kiss together."

 _Did he just say kiss?_

My heart stopped, almost literally. "K-kiss?"

He nodded, and his hands, the ones that kept me from floating away, slowly release mine before slipping around my waist and it was as if time stopped just for me, the crowd of people moving around us only a blur in my peripheral vision.

Before I could muster out a word, his soft, warm lips meet my own pale, chapped ones and I stiffened, unsure how to receive this gesture. I never kissed anyone before...Gon...Gon just took my first kiss and I had trouble processing what was happening.  
My mind was in a whirl of thoughts and emotions, and my heart practically jumped from my throat. Realizing I was too stiff and my lips were set in a hard line, I did my best to move my lips in rhythm with his. Though my movements were sloppy, I could  
tell, and my face burned with shame.

 _I don't even know how to kiss for crying out loud._

Though Gon never once complained about my inexperience and when he pulled away, the smile filling his face made my heart do a little dance and the butterflies currently residing in stomach fluttered around in a frenzy.

"I love you, Killua."

 _Did I just hear that correctly?_

"Y-you do?" I could hardly believe my ears.

Though this must not have been the response he was expecting, for he down casts his eyes then and it almost makes my heart shatter and the butterflies dull their flight.

"I-I know you don't feel the same, but I couldn't hold it in for much longer..." When he lifts his head, his normally bright brown eyes shook, as if tears were threatening to spill from them. As if he was expecting me to really reject his feelings.

Never.

"You idiot. Of course I feel the same." I reach out tenderly, to wipe a tear that escapes and found its way down his cheek.

"You do?" His eyes light up in surprise and I knew it was my time to tell him. There was no holding back now.

To my dismay though, my voice shook slightly when I spoke. "I-I do." My hand drops back down to my side and I down cast my own eyes. "Ever since before Yorknew...I realized my love for you went deeper then just friendship and..." My voice then wavers  
and trail off.

"Killua." An index finger then runs down to my chin and lifts it up so I was facing Gon again.

"Killua. Why didn't you say anything to me?"

I burn with shame. "I thought you would reject me."

His body shook with laughter and I scowl. "I'm sorry." He giggled. "But you're always calling me an idiot and this time, you were the idiot."

"Hey!" I protest, my face glowering with indignation.

"You're my idiot though." He pulls me close and I swear, I almost fainted from how hot my body got then.

"That's my line."

"Well, I borrowed it." Gon kisses me again and this time I return it with more confidence.

"So does that mean we're dating now?" I inquire with a raised brow when we pull apart.

"Well, yeah."

"I don't recall you asking me officially."

It was his turn to glower and he suddenly gets on one knee and I hiss with embarrassment.

"Get up, you idiot! People are staring!"

"Not until you answer my question. So."

"Please kill me now."

"Hush. Now, Killua Zoldyck, will you do me the honor-"

"So professional."

"-of being my boyfriend?"

How could I refuse that? Especially with a crowd of onlookers?

"Of course I will, moron."

He grins and stands up again, much to my relief. What I wasn't expecting though, was him to wrap an arm around me and lean me back, before leaning down and capturing my lips in a third kiss. I close my eyes, clutching at his coat to keep from falling.

When he stands me upright again, my cheeks are flushed and I flutter my eyes open to meet his and I swear, I don't think I've ever seen anything so beautiful.

* * *

 **A/N Okay, this was shorter than I thought it would be, but I'm pretty satisfied with how it came out, so I really hope you all like it! Thanks for reading! xoxoxo**


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